Soul Communication

In premarital counseling, I always spend a session with the couple on the importance of communication within their relationship. I talk about the five levels of communication.
Level 1 is cliché communication like, ‘How are you?’ ‘Fine!’ 

Level 2 is like reporting the news: ‘What did you do today?’ ‘I went to work, I came home.’ 

Level 3 communication is sharing an opinion. ‘In my opinion, turnips are absolutely delicious.’ 

It’s just the person’s opinion and that’s all. T

hose three levels of communication are not deep enough to sustain a healthy, deep relationship. Although each level goes a little deeper, they do not go deep enough for a deep, satisfying relationship.

When we begin to communicate at Level 4- the sharing of a conviction- one begins to share more of him/herself. You are sharing a part of you. ‘It is my conviction that children should be loved unconditionally by their parents.’ If you disagree with my conviction- a part of me is being rejected by you.

Of course, Level 5- the deepest of all the levels- is the most open, the most vulnerable, and the most ‘out of the soul’ kind of communication. I tell the couple that they need this kind of communication if they hope to grow in their love, become soul mates, and have a deep, intimate, satisfying, and enriching marriage. I then tell them that to get to this level, you need at least 3 things and these 3 things you really have to work at.

• First, you have to minimize external distractions. You can’t get to Level 5 Communication amidst a crowd, with screaming kids around, cell phones ringing, televisions on, in front of the computer, etc.
• Second, you need time. Soul talk with anyone cannot happen if you’re always running off to your next thing or in a few minutes. You need chunks of time.
• Third, have patience. You don’t get to Level 5 Communication the first week of marriage. In fact, after 42 years of marriage, we still have to work at it.

Why am I boring you with this information? Because if we want to have a deep, intimate, soul-satisfying, authentic relationship with God, we need to communicate with Him at  Level 5 Communication. In order to get to that kind of genuine soul talk with God- which we call prayer- it requires hard work. It requires silence. How much of your life is lived in silence, removed from activity, noise, and distraction?

Second, authentic prayer requires time. It cannot happen in a few minutes, in your car driving to the next appointment. When was the last time you had a block of time- I mean an hour or two or three- just to commune with God?

Third, it takes patience. You have to work at this for a lifetime. It doesn’t happen instantly. So don’t give up- don’t be impatient but strive to have a conversation with God at a soul level.